Hello, it’s me, your new Piratesreport.com guy.

Rather than bore you with my life story, here are 25 things about me that you will never, ever find on Facebook . . .

1. I was born and raised on the South Side of Chicago, but I ditched the local sports teams at a very young age. (Did I mention that I have great instincts?)

2. Before I knew much about baseball, I had an addiction to pirates and the color black. Connect the dots.

3. My late father got me hooked on baseball, and I got him hooked on Roberto Clemente, which is the definition of a good deal for both sides if you ask me.

4. I’ve covered every major sports event except the Super Bowl and Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

5. In my next lifetime, I want to spend a morning with Lloyd and Paul Waner and a designated driver.

6. When my wife accompanied me to the 1979 World Series, which I covered on my first newspaper job, she was slightly pregnant with our daughter.    

7. While on the NBA beat, I turned down an offer to hang out with Dennis Rodman and his entourage in Las Vegas between NBA Finals games.

8. I’ve been screamed at by Tony LaRussa, poison-penned by Jerry Reinsdorf, hip-checked by Jim Hendry and dissed by Barry Bonds, but I've never been called a homer.

9. I’m the only beat writer to cover Michael Jordan’s career in Chicago from start to finish, a feat that will be duly noted on my tombstone one day.

10. Even though thousands of fans wanted to remove my spleen because of it, I don’t regret my blank ballot in the 2007 Hall of Fame election even a little bit.

11. I started as a right-hander, switched to lefty and once pitched a Little League game with each hand.

12. I wanted to be a sports broadcaster or sportswriter since seventh grade.

13. My high school colors were black and gold.

14. My wife and I sat in the Wrigley Field bleachers on Sept. 16, 1975, when the Pirates edged the Cubs, 22-0, and we have the scorecard to prove it.

15. Where my son got his athletic talent beats the heck out of me.

16. Strange, I can name every starter on the 1971 Pirates but can’t tell you what happened 10 days ago.

17. I was such a hopeless sports nerd in high school that I listened to 120-something Pirates games on KDKA radio.

18. In the name of full disclosure, I once accidentally flooded the bathroom at Webster Hall before my first trip to Forbes Field.

19. Every summer I wonder what would have happened if the Pirates had called up Wilbur Wood from Class AAA Columbus in the heat of the 1966 pennant race.

20. Not to brag or anything, but I used a form of Sabermetrics to dominate Strat-o-Matic leagues years before Sabermetrics was invented.

21. I’ve never been to Kennywood, but a Pittsburgh cab driver did drive us up an embankment on our way down Mount Washington once.

22. When Willie Stargell clubbed a grand slam homer in the first inning of the next-to-last game of the 1978 season, it was one of the most electric moments I can remember at a sports event.

23. I have a man-crush on Bill Mazeroski but haven’t told him yet.

24. In the bullpen at Wrigley Field one day, Dock Ellis asked me and my wife if we wanted some grass. Before we could answer, he bent down, grabbed a handful and threw it our way.

25. I get lost an average of three times per day here, but don’t give up on me yet. I have lots of potential.